Robin's-Eye View

YOUR INNER CRITIC

Everybody's Got One

I was stumped for a while when Art asked me to write an article -- Couldn't think of a topic. Sometimes it feels as if my brain has gone out to lunch leaving me totally void of any ideas at all.

I was thinking about feeling that way one day, when I had a small revelation. That feeling does not happen without cause, and it certainly does not reflect the truth. The truth is that I have a lot of interesting ideas. They come to me thousands, maybe millions of times in the course of an ordinary day. But I also have something else. I have this little voice in my head that acts as a censor, a critic, a mean-spirited overcontrolling entity that roadblocks my most creative moments. It sends out messages such as:

"Don't write about that. Nobody will like it. That's a trite idea. Who cares what you think, anyway? It's been done before, except in different words. You don't know how to write - Only geniuses deserve to be heard, and you're not in the club (of geniuses). Who would publish that?! So-and-so could do it better. Why bother?. . ."

Do any of these negative messages sound a bit familiar? Perhaps you could make up your own list. Now, when I get these messages my first tendency is to try to combat them by pushing them deep into my unconscious in an effort to silence the voice. This is a natural and logical reaction, perhaps, but not a very effective solution to the problem.

Any thought/feeling which is submerged into the unconscious paradoxically becomes stronger rather than weaker. The unconscious acts as a fertile breeding ground for all kinds of ideas, positive and negative. Perhaps one of the reasons this is so is that those thoughts and ideas which are buried deep below the conscious level can not be examined, judged, confronted or challenged. Unopposed they gather strength and momentum. But they can not become more or less true by virtue of their influence. Let me be more specific about how this may happen. Let us say that a child of three draws a picture of a flower and brings it home to her mother. The mother may, with every good intention, try to give her child "constructive criticism". She may say, "That's nice dear, but real flowers do not have wings." She has caught the child in her most vulnerable moment, a moment of self-expression and love, and unwittingly given her child the message that her art, her experience, her gift, her love, and ultimately, her self are less than adequate. Over time, the child may not need her mother to say it anymore. The child may say these things to herself. Sadly, she will stop drawing flowers with wings on them, which was a pure expression of her spirit and imagination. Over time, she may lose the desire to draw altogether, and this is tragic. So it is not the outside world we have to guard against as artists so much as it is our very own inner critics which hack away little by little at our self-esteem, our spirit and our imagination. This is the problem, very briefly stated. What is the solution?

Perhaps there is no one single solution to this problem, but there are some ways of coping with such negativity which I would like to propose:

1) Make note of your feelings when you think you are artistically blocked. If you sit down at the keyboard or the guitar or the typewriter or your sketch pad and you feel "uninspired", welcome this moment as an opportunity to explore your own process. It might be good to keep a journal and jot down what is going on for you. Start with physical sensations -- e.g. -- Are there any peculiar sensations? A tightening of the chest? A contraction in the stomach? Headache? Tensing of the shoulders? Itching in the toes? Do you suddenly feel overwhelmingly fatigued? Do not censor. Just notice.

2) What kinds of thoughts are running through your mind at these moments? Are you berating yourself for being "slow" or "dumb"? Are you distracting yourself with thoughts about housework, a problem with your mate, an unpaid bill? Or, are you having thoughts about a childhood memory or a dream? an old friend? a sad news story? Again, do not censor, just notice.

3) Once you have begun to focus on your own process, you have already begun the creative process. You can't help it. You are no longer blocked because you have taken the first step in self-expression - self-awareness. Congratulations.

4) Have a dialog with the inner critic. Let it say everything in a clear and obvious voice. Become familiar with this part of yourself. You may want to explore such questions as, "Who does this remind me of?" "When did I first begin to notice this voice?" "What do you (my inner critic) want from me or for me?" "What are you trying to protect me from?"

5) You may have something to say in return to that voice. You may want to say something like, "I hear you, but I will not let you control me anymore". "I don't need or want your protection any more, thank you". "What I do is valid because it is my work and I won't allow you to change my opinion of my work". "I don't need your approval anymore".

6) Further, you may begin to strengthen the other voice inside of you -- The voice that tells you, "I am important." "I deserve to enjoy my work as an artist". "I need no outside approval to validate my work". "I give myself full permission to not be 'perfect' in the eyes of the world".

There are many, many more variations on every idea presented here, and no, none of them are startling new revelations, but the sum total of this article is uniquely my own because to the best of my ability for this moment in my development I have allowed my own voice to speak, and that is what I would wish for you, too.

I am currently reading a wonderful book on this subject that I would recommend highly for any creative person, which means anyone on the planet: If You Want to Write: A Book About Art, Independence and Spirit by Brenda Ueland (Graywolf Press). Oddly, I had been thinking about this article for a week before I found the book, and the book has confirmed so much of what I believe.

If I had to sum up my feelings about dealing with the inner critic in a very short headline, I would say what I said to a dear friend of mine who was beginning to write songs:

"LET THE CHILD PLAY!"

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Copyright © 1998 Robin Munson